There are very few people that are writers, real deal writers. But why are there so many people that want to be?
I’m talking book writing not work writing
Because people think it’s easy?
Is it the idea of thinking everyone wants to read your story, just the thrill of writing it in general?
It’s weird over the last two days I’ve had so many people say they are really into writing and have started a book or two.
Whether you can or can’t, think it’s easy or hard, no one says why.
That is something i’ve never ever had an itch to do
writing a whole book
I think people need to rephrase this and say they want to have an extended journal entry
maybe a pen pal
haha, yeah I guess, but that’s not impressive–long form online journaler sounds lame. Writer sounds artsy.

Third time’s a charm

December 13, 2012

via gchat

I just grabbed some cheap walmart yogurt yesterday. I was in a hurry.

I start eating it just now and it tastes extra sweet, fake sweet. I read the label and it says…

“nonfat yogurt, sweetened with fructose, sucralose, aspartame and acesulfame potassium”


“nonfat yogurt, sweetened with everything that has been determined to cause cancer in multiple forms resulting in a slow and painful death”

I threw it away.

And we’re back!

March 19, 2010

me: Whaaaat? I JUST tweeted this: Got a game from Gamefly and my Xbox hooked up in the other room–gotta keep myself busy while the wife celebrates New Moon day tomorrow…
me: You are such a crazy person, and it cracks me up
Brooke: it was fun watching with brie and alex. Alex cried.
me: That’s right, you just got a vertical ellipses from me

Bean racist

January 5, 2010

At Panera:

“Ugh, your soup stinks.”

“What? It’s black bean soup it smells great. You think my black bean burgers smell too.”

“They do smell! They smell like BO.”

“Who have you been smelling that smells like this? They must be delicious.”

“Oh I’m not saying black beans aren’t good. I love them in my chili, they just reek.”

“You’re a bean racist.”

Brooke’s Dream Job

December 16, 2009

“Sometimes I wish I could be like an undercover cop that goes to high school and like, busts crazy high school crimes. I mean I could pull it off.

I'd be 25, but I could pass for 16

I’m serious! You’d have to be in the bad crowd to bust the crimes, but that’s okay, I’d be cool. And you wouldn’t have to do homework because you’re a cop, you could just fake your way through all the classes. I’ve really put some thought into it. It’s my dream job.”

Go Gap commercial!

December 15, 2009

“I think you and I are the only ones on the planet that don’t hate those Gap commercials?”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah, like the entire internet hates them–worst holiday commercials ever and all that.”

“How can you hate them? ‘Go Christmas! Go Hanukkah! Go Kwanzaa! Go Solstice!’ Plus there’s those cute little girls, and that one boy that does that cool move where he slides to the side. I think they’re great.”

“Hey you’re preaching to the choir here.”‘

“The internet is crazy, they don’t know what they’re talking about.”

Maybe I’m just a scrooge

December 11, 2009

“Something about lying to our kids about Santa just doesn’t sit right with me.”

“What? Why do you think like that? It’s magical and fun.”

“I don’t know. I mean it’s not like I resent my parents for doing it–in fact my mom never has confessed, we still get gifts from Santa–and I know despite my protests I’ll still do it to our kids when we have them. It just feels weird.”

“You’re weird.”

“Yeah, I know.”

You’d do that for me?

December 8, 2009

From gchat:

Brooke: random took-me-by-surprise statment from my boss
“If you need me to be a dick, I will be that for you.”
I was like uhhhh ok
tried not to laugh and went on my way
Austin: huh?
Brooke: he said that about being the mean person in situations so we didn’t have to.
Austin: that was…nice of him
Brooke: haha, I know!

Another one bites the dust

December 8, 2009

From gchat:

Austin: Holy CA-RAP, someone else just put in a notice!

Brooke: wow, that place is falling apart
i’m doing a sing song voice while i say that
just for effect

Austin: All right, I’m imagining your sing song voice, and I’m adding a funny dance

Probe grease?

December 4, 2009

“It’s weird, it’s like I can put on this face and I handle all the stressful situations at work.”

“Really? I must see the other face then. I’m always worried that you’re going to do something crazy like strip naked, cover yourself in probe grease, and run screaming from the building.”

“No,” long pause for high-pitched squeaky laugh. “There’s no such thing as probe grease.”

“Oh, my mistake.”